04.1975

 Puttin' the X in XXXmas, that's Knob for ya, leaving no sacred cows outta their burger patties. And I said this before in some of the other posts, they start with a bit, andf then throw in antoher bit, a twist of a twist, like the ribbons hog tyin' this guy in his own livin' room. Now, I'm not callin' this guy a cuck like verybody calls everybody a cuck now, just sayin', no kink shaming, just saying he is the guy getting off watching Santa slippin' up his wife's chimney. I'd hate to see what the Eater Bunny gets into at their house. Guessing Santa's the one leaving the milk out this year. Well hey, ta all ya readin' this, hope ya been enjoying my clippin's and have as nice a holiday season as ya can. Go watch Die Hard with somebody you care about and put as much alcohol in the nog as you see fit. I'mma try to figure out which cover is my favorite and post that next week. 

05.1974

Man, I don't think kids today could even understand the whole idea of an arcade. They got games on their phones, games on the computer, and then a game thing on the TV, or in the TV, I don't even know. I had a watch with a game in it,b ut it was a dogshit game and a shitty watch ontop of that. But man, wehen I read this one, i cold hear the arcade sounds, all jumbling ontop of each other and then, the smell. Tehre was always a smell. And this game cabinent loosk oike it had it's own smell, too. I'm sure. Yikes. I played the shitty game sin the back plenty, no lines, no older asshole kids crwoded around. yeah, this is a winner. And you can't go wrong with thee boobs. Its like a mystical think. The myst8ical third boob. One foreach hand and one left over for the mouth. It just makes sense. 

 

11.1973

Besides this amazing green thing they are doin' here, I love this style of joek that Knob was donig all the time. YOu come up with some idea making fun of something but then you go back and say the made fun of version was the original and that the one everybody knows is a toned down or sanitized version of that original, like original ideas are all dirty and it's the man keeping you from the truth. lol. 

They were way ahead of thir time with that. They could be writing this kinda stuff today and people would be like, damn right, son. 

 

11.1984

This is a classic bit from Knob, wrong in all the right ways. There are so many levels of WTF? goin' on and you can laugh at any of 'em. Why does the dog on the left know what dick tastes like? Pretty clear the poodle has seen some stuff, but also, who's putting their dick into the peanut buttter? Pretty sure you're suppose dto put the peanut butter on the dick, not th other way around, or so i imagine, got no practical experience with the matter. Not going to say anyhting more about that because the mre you deny the more guilty you appear. But i never did that, not even once, on a dare, never on accident, just don't know anything about it, it's in shows and movie sin sutff, pretty sure that's why I evne know it's a thing. 

 

10.1983

I'm hoping that pencilled in bit, definitey my dad's scrawl, was for some sort of omlete or other egg dish he was prepping for breakfast, but i got a real bad creepingfeeling that it ain't that. Well, one wya or antoher, those egg whiteswere getting pretty fujcking scarambled if you get me meaning. Also, back in the day,t ehre was no egg whites. There was no healthy (or racist) eating where it was whites only. Nah, everybody ate the whol3e fucking egg. Fuck, Rocky chugged half a dozen down like a shot of whiskey for breakfast. Ugh. Just got a little shiver thinking about those yokes sliding down, just lump afer lump hitting the back of your throat, making you make that glug glug glug sound, you know the one, you sick fuck. Maybe you don't, I don't know you. I do know this design works, heard if from a friend, hehe hehe he

 

01.1982

I guess they callit a ghlory hole like ironically, right? like happy hour is when the dead eyed drunks get a head start on the rest of their depressing evening. there might be gold in them thar hills, but there ain't no glory in them holes. i guess if you go through the wall wall instead of the stall wall, you got a chance, but i don't think too many broads are looking for a random dick stickin' outta the wall. maybe. i dunno. come to think of it, i've met a few that would be allt o happy to find an available cock anywhere. and yeah, them was the ones that would pretty mcuh treat that found weienr with all the love and  care Rubber Guy is getting here. I alway slike old Rubber Guy, mainly cause he doesn't seme to like himself too much. I can relate to that. Anyhoo, enjoy!

08.1976

Yeah, I got a chuckle out of this one, so what? It's got good comicbookyness. Hey, could be worse, could be a priest tuggin' to some harlot's sordid confessions. Gotta assume that's happened before. My one Italian friend told me that back in his town, the young men were all extra over the top with the sex stuff because they felt bad for the priest not getting any so they felt like they should give him some good stories to think about, and they didn't want to lie, because that would be another five or six hail marys. Not that guys need an excuse or anything special to start tugging. I bet there are phone help guys who work at home that only jerk it to when a woman describes specific sorts of problems with their product, like they can only achieve if the red blinkly light is on, but not if the service panel is stuck shut, or vice versa. At this point, there is no "guy jerkin' off" story that can surprise me, but I can get a chuckle, like I got from this one. 

 

12.1984

I had a buddy back some years, guy from India. One time he was talking shit about how you go to church in the U.S. and the priest has to look in a book to do his thing. You go to the symphony and everybody's turning pages. He said that back in his country, the priests knew the stuff and the musicians all knew the stuff and why couldn't anybody ove4r here remember stuff enough to do it without reading a book. So, you know I had to bring up the Kama Sutra and be like, well, buddy, over hwere, we can take a girl to poundtown and get home without a map, unlikeyou all and your illustrations. Though, in his defense, the one time I looked at the Kama Sutra, a lot of that stuff was pretty advanced and I could see how you'd want ot write it down so you don't forgert, especilly if you came up with a real good one. I'm pretty much alway splstered when i'm doing the nasty anyway so my recollections are not clear or numers enough to, well, collect. So, when I saw this one in an issue of Knob, I had to laugh. Finally, sex for Americans! USA! USA! USA!

03.1976

Well, it's almost Halloween. Suprised they still even let kids eat candy anymore. Seems like everything else you maybe could enjoy in life is off limits. I feel bad for the little shits, i reallydo. At this point, I'd be shocked, in a good way, impressed really, if some youngsters had the gumption to fuck up anything on my property. Maybe this year I'll help 'em out, maybe it will be the year i finally go get some gourds to leave out. I ain't carvin' shit, but whatgeveer. Nice thing is you don't have to bring 'em in, just put 'em out and then get used to the smell. Cycle of life, it's nature's way. Yeah, Knob may not have been Martha Stewart, but they're throwing out festive ideas to help you out with the holdiays. I'm in the spirit for some entertaining. Ya know, I wouldn't be too surprised if those ones who made that movie wherethe teen fucks the apple pie were Knob readers. 

06.1975

 man, they could really pack in the detail in some of these panels. i dunno if they used little tiny pencils or what, but man, the amount of peversion per square inch has to be up ther. You jsut don't see that density of depravity these days. I don't know much about art or drawing, but i definitely feel like the young people of today don't have that work ethic to crank out this much action to sell the gag. Nah, kids today just find a picture of something and put some dumb words on topo and call it a day. Then they do a dance or whatever. It's about craftsmanship and attention to detaill. Knob that that stuff, really going all in on the bit. You just don't see it today, is all i'm saying. 

02.1981

Ah, ole Too Tall Tommy... one of my faves, but I couldn't find any of them going through the stacks but this one. Did find a lotta Too Tall Tommy sized holes in pages, tho. I'm prolly gonna blame this on my cousin, least I think he was my couin. The bloodline was never all thart clear adn to this day I couldn't tell ya how we were related, if we even were. I know he loved the Tommy bits, Tommy and the Pope, Tommy and Phyllis Diller, Tommy and Lassie... I'm struggling to think of somebody that didn't end up hitchin' a ride and rolling their eyes while Tommy shouted out Hillbilly-ese into his CB like like there was no tomorrow. Not sure how this one survived the chop. Also don't know if the creators of the character would be happy or sad to know some people, like my "cousin", saw him as a role model and ended up pretty much being him. Course my cousin was fat as all get out an so I assume he went by Weally Wide Willy, he also talkked like that so I'm pretty sure. I think my dad had a beer coozy and mebbe a trucker hat with ole Tommy, yackin' it all across the pot holed highways of this great land. 

 

1975-1985

Knob had a buncha regular features, mostly to re-use art, as far as I could tell. Some of 'em were okay and some sucked donkey dicks. The reaction ones were a little bit of both. They could run hot or cold, or just in between. I mostly liked 'em. Even the shitty ones would make you laugh, and they had the sense like they were shitty on purpose, or like the intern was having  a bad day. Thing is, there'd only be one every coupla issues or so, you never saw 'em side to side or read 'em back to back. It's like a TV show. I gotta explain to the youngsters out there, you couldn't used to pick what show to watch when. Stuff was just on. the only binging you could do was chugging a six pack before your older brother realized you got in his stash and kicked your ass. With a nice buzz, you don't care about a little beating. Anyway, yeah, I thought i'd put a few of these together so the young'uns out there could binge read 'em. 

 

12.1973

People always say "honesty is the best policy", but honesty isn't a fucking policy, it's... an... i dunno, like an attribute or something. A policy is "no dogs in the park" or "keep off the grass". nobody ever saw a fucking sign that said "honest" on it, or "entering honesty zone". i mean, sometimes some news schmucks put up some dumb sign along those lines, but nto lke out in the real world, if yo udnon't got cable, you don't see none of that shit. 

this one cracked me up, tho. man, them little guys are sure going to town on that big mass of woman. definitely a team effort over there. you gotta watch when you're going big, tho, she could cum too hard and buck you off and you could smack your  head into a wall or something. yeah, that's no good. head trauma does not enhance the sexual experience, it's not like getting choked real good. ooops, i said too much... or did i?

 

11.1983

My buddy used ta always say, guys that talk about how big their dicks are had really, really small dicks. And guys that say they've probablyg ot an average, normal, or even a little of a shorter sized pecker, well, those guys were even smaller. Going by that... I dunno what to even say about my own stuff. Guess I won't. Leave ya guessin' 'bout what i'm packin'. Leave ya thinking about it. Imagine it, like that John Lennon song.

I know tho this one time my buddy was getting with this real piece a bar trash and she said she dated one guy with just nothing down there, like the to the second knuckel of her pinky finger as she described it and she was pretty dainty. She said she'd let him stick it in her ass because he really liked it and that ways she could at least feel soemthing, not pain, not even close, just something. I assume she still was faking the Os, if she was even doing that, but I guess it was like a little reminder of what ws going on incase she got to far off into a day dream. 

 

04.1977

I don't know a lot about htis one and so I'm not gonna say a lot, a little out of my league one the smarts level, i just like the dick slap image, that's a classic. And I thoguth, this is the internet, who know swhose reading this stuff, maybe there's some smarty pantses out there who might get an even bigger chuckle then i got. Have at it you fucking dorks, enjoy! Sorry abotu all the wedgies in high school. 

12.1984

One thing about Knob I can't tell, looking back at it now, is whether or not they were making fun of the fashions of the time or not. Like Slick Billy Ray here. I thought he was coola as fuck and in some ways I modeled my look, and probably too much of my behavior after the gyuy. Would the Knobistas have laughed at me if they knew that, or... shit they might have even looked like this. I know Knob had the kinda money where they could get models and whatnot, but they probagly drew from life, cause i herd that's whtz artists do. Shit, mebbe one of the guys in the office wsas Slick Billy Ray. Who knows. I also like how they scrambled the pick up lines so that they woulnd't get used by the real dumb fucks. That's a problem with dating advice today, any dipshit cna watch the YouTube video and then the good lines get wasted by theg creepers, then they're no good to use. Gotta have some way to exclude the real knumbskulls, ya know? Like a decoder ring or something. Lol. 

03.1974

 You ever seen that bigfoot video? I'm not an expertb, but i assume some guy in a suit would like overdo it, right? Like in a movie where a guy's in a gorrilla suit, they always overdo it, nothing like the stoic diginity of say, Harambe. The being in that video is just walking, sorta pissed off looking, like me walking away the restroom at work when somebody already blew it up and I'm mad, but I also gotta get to the other facility with a bit of urgency, got me? Thing that has always got me on the bigfoots, bigfeet? topic is sorta like this comic. There would have to be bigfeet, bigfoots?, women and if there were women, the guys would act a fool to get their attention, you get me? gotta turn her head before you turn down the sheets, right? Well, that, and I also had a van like this back in the day and... bigfoot ain't wrong in his approach...

10.1973

With this one, I don't even kno if it's real or not. Could be either way. Either those jokesters, those Knobbers had their way wtih some silliness, or there was really such a place. It was the 70s, man, and I'd believe anything. They say if you can remember the early 70s, you weren't there. Knob remembers! I think that's havlf the reason we even invented print, to keep score when we'd get wasted. I mean, shit, i can't trust my own memory even when i'm sober half the time. I dunno about being nude all day, either. I spill a lot of stuff on myself. Hot coffee's no joy, but would be a hunnerd times worse on your scrote. I can't even imagine what would turn up on my belly button after a day in my birthday suit. And man, I had enough awkward boners in high school. I don't even want to consider what sorts of embarssments I'd rack up out in public. Is that roadkill? Does anybody smell that? Hey, this guy's hard over here! Hard from the scent of decay and death. No thanks, I don't need that. Even thinkin' a this scenario is gonna stop me getting hard for a week. 

 

08.1983

I dunno, I was unlucky as far as teacher hotness went. That Van Halen song came out, 'Hot for Teacher' and at first I thought it was like some soret of Weird Al parody song, cause alla the teachers i hd, you'd ahve to have some sort of fetish to get afrter. At least three of them were missing limbs, but I grew up by a big meat packing plant so that wasn't so uncommon, but also, all my teachers scowled allt he time, prolly becaus ehey had to deal iwth my childish bulslhit, they might have smiled for other kids. It wasn't much better on the male sid eof the equazion, my one math teacher apparently had his ass shot off in the war. I don't know how he got his ass shot off in the war, or which war, but one look at this guy when he walked by and there really weren't other excplanationsd for his overall form. One time, I'm just rememberin' now, we did have a sub who was cute, like too cute, but she got real mad that none of the boys would go up to the chalkboard. Maybe she wasn't that smart because everybody was blushing and she shoudl have been able to figure it out.  

03.1982

 You ever seen that that one seen in laord of th rings where the trees fucking wreck the one bad guy's house? that was bad ass. I like that one. This issue came out i dunno, twenty years before any of that? Ya gotta wonder if anybody what made that movie had seen this and got the idea, at least in part from it. I know the movie was based on a book, of course i new that, so the idea was already there, but maybe some young nerd saw this and then when the movie was happening was like, yeah, tree guys! I don't think any of the trees in the mvoie were up to nuthin questionable, but there were a lot of 'em in that crowd scene, so maybe one of 'em had a raging hard-on goin' inta battle. who knows. maybe i'll go rent that and look real close. I think they were all dudes, but maybe there's a tree chick in there somewhere, shovin goblins inta her hooha.