02.1972

Oh, RubberGuy, this guys's prolly my favorite recurring character from the run of the magazine. I don't think he ever gets laid, but he sure don't stop tryin'! What a hoot! Though, I should be mad at him for inspiring my earliest attempts to get my lips around my own schlong, i sitll occaisonally get some pain from that slipped disc. It's important to know your limitatons, that's part of growing up, iguess. 

03.1975

This is one4 i wouldn't a got when I younger. Back then, it was off to the races, tryinta blow my load before somebody interrupted and then if I wanted to, I could go at it again i like five minutes. Of course, once I started actually getting some, i had to unlearn all that and practice not bustin. I really struggle dfor a while. I'd try to think of something to sort of calm the raging beast, but i'd go too far. I'd think of how my mom ate hotdogs, chewing with  her mouth open, but my penis was the hotdog, but that was boner assasination an, total chub death, just slaughterd erection, went limpt in two different girls before i finally got it right, thought about something not so off putting but just mildly distracting, my cousin i was only sorta into, same penis in hotdog bun scenario, but she was just nibbling the tip a little bit. it wasn't that hot aand was pretty wrong so it hit the sweet spot and let me go on with my busines with no threat of early good. I didn't even hear about edging until 2002, but as an old man now, I hardly have time or energy to beat off so whenever I do, I really gotta make it count, ya know? And if I go off too soon, there isn't another bus coming along in ten minutes.

Man, just thinking about my mom and how the woman would just fucking destroy hotdogs and also rarely close her mouth for any reason is maybe adding some clues to the Sheila's number incident...

 

11.1972

This reminded me of this one girl I was dating. I wish I hadda recording of one of our litlle sessions. Man, it was LOUD!!! I don't know if any words could even do it justice, I duno if she was deformed or what, but hittin that sounded like somebody was fisting a rainboot full of large pearl tapioca pudding. Even that don't give you a good idea of the sound, but makes you wonder, like I used to wonder, why is this fuckin so fuckin loud. 

 

01.1980

I wonder if the whole inspiration for donuts when any filling at all was just becuase, like, you know, you could like fuck a donut? There's a hole, if you got a pole, you can make it work. So maybe this is less a joke someobdy mad eup and more of like a revelation of a histyorical mystery being solved? I dunno, i hate filled donut sos it's no skin off my ass anyway. 

 

04.1974

 Man, these mini-catalog spreads really take me back. I never had sea monkiesor none of that, my folks were alway sa little tiight on money and weren't about to give me some to mail away to some schmuck in the big city. They said most of thos ads wer all bullshit anyway, you coudn't see throught he girls dresses at school and the sea monkies didn't wear pants or carry briefcases. Now i wanna do some research some of these here. Did they really havbe catapillars like that? Keep in mind, this was way before the genetic enginneering you hear about today. Course they prolly had it back then buy you didn't hear about it. How else could you explain the BeeGees all being the same person. Oh, I guess afew of them were twins or something. Or were they? I dunno, is immoral to feed a ped yr jizz? Prolly, but most people woundn't count insects or larva or whatever the fuck as pets. 

06.1977

I neer had to worry too mch about my spew, i'd just bust n a sock and throw it under my bed and... hmmm. I never thought I had to worry. Thinkin back, thos socks prolly didn't walk off. I mean, I don't remember there being an issue or anyone saying anything. Maybe they were still there when my cousin moved into my old room after his parents kicked him out. My mom told me he was some sort of pervo, mabye she cleaned up the room for him and found my socks and thought he'd accumlated those in whatever period of time he'd been living there. Oh man. We din't have DNA testing back then, or the courts coulda cleared his name. Oh well, at least my reputation didn't get soiled, he ended up getting his dick stuck in a toaster in Sears so he was headin' down either way. Still, he took one for the team and I gotta respect 'em on some level for that. Gonna pour some foam out of my beer onto the ground in his honor, he bled to death after his dick got torn off in a factory accident I have to assume he was partially to blame for. 

 

01.1981

Whaddya think her name is? The tree? Did he call her sumthin'? or was it a no names type thing. least she was shaved, no moss gettin stuck in yr teeth.