20/05/2024

09.1974

 Meat cute, amirite? That would be more like if the caption was "you cum here often?" but it ain't. i guess i'd myabe go with "how can you have a headache, you don't have a head" or soemthing liek that. i dunno, i just like this one, like the melting clocks from the poster my buddy had up on his wall. yeah, he smoked dope a few itmes and studden was into art. go figure. 



13/05/2024

03.1979

This one gets at a good point, hairstyles. A lady witha differnet hairdo is a different lady. It's gotta be psychological or something. Whenever I was dating a woman, whenever she got a haircut, one that i noticed, it was like geting a whole new girlfriend. New haircut sex is like dating an ex, you don't have all the nerves to worry about because you've been there before, but it's still fresh and new. Too bad this doesn't work the same when you shave your pubes since I'm the only action i got going on right now. Wait! I forgot about the stranger, haven't tried that in a long time. Okay, bye. 


 

06/05/2024

06.1982

 

Not sure this counts as a sweet tooth. Maybe a salty tooth? I woulda wrote it to be "I hope it's baustun creme pie" soyou'd know they were in Boston when they got the creampie. but wait... creampie's downstairs. What do you even call a mouthload? There's gotta be a name for that, right? It think it's a snowball if they spit it back in your mouth, but what if they don't? Well, that's something to think about...


29/04/2024

09.1983


Been a long time since I been in school and just about as long since I did anything that owuld makeme see anting other than a pink elephant. yah knw, I never even seen a pink elephant. i think you gotta stop drinking to see those and I sure as shit ain't doin' that. This one referenced this one i already posted  Knob and its readers always had a strong sense of its history, either that ort they were lazy and kept recycling rthe same jokes. Not sure there's even a differnece. Heh hehe he. 



 

22/04/2024

05.1981

 You can see from my profile picture that I got some beard goin', but not for any real reason other than laziness. I'm just not going to scrape my facewith shapr metal frist thing in the morning, not gonna do it. Fuck htat. So it would be a might hypocritical of me to ask a woman to do something I ain't willing to do, but that seems to be the thing now. Bush is retro, maybe it'll comeback. Got me, by the time I see pussy again i the flesh, they might have teeth from the nukes or whtaver. 

I'm like 98% sure those discolorations are just WD-40. 'Course I never smelled my old man's jizz, unlike most of you, so maybe it had chemically smell other than bleach, I dunno. I know he liked his women how he didn't like his roads on a rainy night, real curvy and sorta confuseng.



15/04/2024

12.1973

Yeah, everybody's always tellin' everykbody else ta gofuck themselves, but noboedy ever really thinks about what that means, you know? That's what I like about Knob Magazine, they do. They work through it all, and it alwys gives me a chuckle. I woulda thought fuck myself, i'd hafta create some kida device so like when I pushed in it'd push in on the other side, get me? I dunno, been drinking a bit much... might take advantage of myself...


08/04/2024

08.1984

This one made me think of the joke name Buster Hymen. I cna't remember fi there was a joke or something or if that was a guys' name in a movie or something? Maybe a prank phone call like Mike Hunt, which doesn't look bad when you look at the words, you really gotta say that one. I tink there was aome music guy called Dick Hymen but that dosn't really tell a story like Buster Hymen, Dick Hymen is just a few related words, but Buster Hymen is like a complete sentence. What's it called when a sentence tells you to do something again? Like Jump! is a complete sentence because it tells whoever hears it to do that thing. Whatever. This is later in the run of the magazine, so maybe they were running otu of dick jokes. 


01/04/2024

11.1979



I never did an orgy or anything liek that. One time i had sex with two different womein in the same year and that seemed like a lot. I dunno, maybe I'm not social, but I don't want too many people around when my balls come out. Seems like a bad design, ahving 'em just hang out like that, where anybody could just grab 'em and tear 'em off and run away. I guess if it's cold that's less of a risk. 



 

27/03/2024

10.1973


I'm not the best driver, i'll be honest. i'm not even in the running. I'm not even an OK driver. I'm technically only a driver at all becasue I operate a motor vehicle sos I can do my life stuff. Ahyway, this one day I almost ran over a nun. Old school nun, blakc and white. That was the problem, she really blende din with the crosswalk because the road was wet and had been paved relatveily recently. So I thought she was the cross walk and not on the corsswalk. I missed her by a little and in the rear view I saw her do, i'm not kidding, teh full Sean Waltman/X-Pac's “suck it” crotch chop. She did it good, there's no chance that was her first time. Anyway, this bit made me think of that. 

 


18/03/2024

06.1984


I dunno if it's a rash or what, but damn I'm itchy. Not like i'm gonna go tot he fuckin' dr, tho, my healthcare is shit. At this point, letting whtaaevr it is ravage my body is the only thing i can afford, and likely the only ravishing in my future. Laughter is the best medicine, tho, ain't it? Ain't nothing ever got me down so low that Dr. Knob couldn't perk me up right away.

 


12/03/2024

01.1981

You know, not everybody has love, but everybody has a seat... most people have a seat, I had a math teacher once that had his ass shot off in the war. I don't know what war it was or how the ass got shot off, but I know his pants hung like drapes from his lower back. Anyhoo, that's off topic, what i'm saying is you don't have to be in lvoe to have a love seat, trust me. 


04/03/2024

11.1973


Man... letters pages. I wuz just thinking how crazy that shit is. People would actually write on pieces of paper and those would get taken to other people. Well... I was getting nostalgiac about all that and then i realized that that meant that  these readers had their grubby little mits on the actual paper that would be delivered. I don't love email, but you never get a pube stuck to anything. I can't believe they even accepted letters, straight from your dick beaters to our secratary's... clit slappers?. it was a more trusting time, i guess, or maybe there were pubes on everything since nobody shaved that snizz


26/02/2024

02.1975

 Can a man find glory in a hole? Do you really find glory? I've always thought of it as something more of an achievement. You achieve glory. Well, most of us don't, but some do/have. I've always thought that the "glory hole" term was meant to be ironic, like happy hour at a bar. It's when the saddest drunks get their drinks at a discount. Ya don't shove your dick into the unknown and expect something good to happen. Probably the opposite. Of course, i've nver been one to put my pal into places unknown, but maybe that's because we're cool. Maybe the guys who shove their dicks into the unknown are hoping soemthing bad happens. Maybe they want the dick gone but can't figure out how to do it themselves? I dunno. I'm a simple guy. This is funny, tho


12/02/2024

05.1977

Another thing about Knob, there's noen ofthat "customer is always right" bullshit like today. No, the editors were openly hostile to their readers. I find that oddly refreshing. I get it, you work on something for hours and hours and thensme dipshit waddles in adn takes a giant shit on your work. The internet'sonly made this worse because anybody anywhere can share their opinon wihtout even leaving the house. You can ruin someone's day in your underpants. I guess that's progress. 

I clipped this one, because it's funny, but also because it references a piece I already clipped for a previous post.


07/02/2024

04.1976

This one really takes me back. Back in the day, there wasn’t no internet and so unless you found some Playboy’s under a log in the woods or or you had Cinemax, there wasn’t much available information into women’s bodies. There was the National Geographic, sure, but that was only waist up stuff. Yeah, young people have it easy these days. If you’re dating someone and they say something is off or funny about your body, you can prolly just send them links to other examples of the same type of bodily quirk having sex, maybe even with another human.



09.1978


I been posting here and forgetting about all the little one-offs they have in every issue. I’ll clip more of those. They just sqeeze things in anywhere there's space. This one was pretty small but I blew it up a bit to make it easier to read. It was down in a corner on a page with an article on outhouses, so they were thematically linkes. No matter how much stuff changes, aliens probing people is a constant throughout the ages. Not sure how they found time to build the pyramids…

06.1982

Wondering if a woman would be a better dick pilot, for lack of a better term, than a man. I could really see it go either way. Sure the guy has more hands on experience, heh heh, but the lady would know what she wants it to do and how. Feel free to chime in in the comments.



07.1976

Dig this crazy ad! Google says that Ikea opened in Canada in ‘76, before America. Weird, huh? That was the thing with Knob Magazine, the ads could be better than the actual content, sometimes.



03.1977

Pretty sure I actually remember reading this one as a kid back when I'd sneak into the old man's magazines. Course I still thought girl swere icky and the last thing I'd want was dating advice. Now I'm all grown up and single again, maybe now's the time to put some of these old nuggests into practive...



01.1974

 I couldn't remember which page I sent you last time adn didn't want to keep forwading emails so I got this site set up. It's free so don't worry, and you can send the links to your friends or whatever. Maybe we'll go vital.

I left the comments on to see if anybody finds this, what they have to say. Myabbe it'll just be spam. I don't ever really hear anybody talk about Knob Magazine anymore, so here the are. They'be been out of business for years so I don't think they're gonna sue me, but if you are about to sue me, let me know and I'll take this all down. The copywrite notices on the issues are all jokey so I can't tell who even owned any of this stuff when it was published. I put the issue date in as the title in case somebody wants to hunt down a copy for themselves. You just don't see stuff like this anymore.

Enjoy!




Best of Knob... again.

 Well, I started out on Tumblr, but apparently you can't show "realistic" penises over there. Drawings. Of penises.  Whatever. so I'm migrating those posts here and that account will be no longer. New stuff will appear here. enjoy.