10.1973

With this one, I don't even kno if it's real or not. Could be either way. Either those jokesters, those Knobbers had their way wtih some silliness, or there was really such a place. It was the 70s, man, and I'd believe anything. They say if you can remember the early 70s, you weren't there. Knob remembers! I think that's havlf the reason we even invented print, to keep score when we'd get wasted. I mean, shit, i can't trust my own memory even when i'm sober half the time. I dunno about being nude all day, either. I spill a lot of stuff on myself. Hot coffee's no joy, but would be a hunnerd times worse on your scrote. I can't even imagine what would turn up on my belly button after a day in my birthday suit. And man, I had enough awkward boners in high school. I don't even want to consider what sorts of embarssments I'd rack up out in public. Is that roadkill? Does anybody smell that? Hey, this guy's hard over here! Hard from the scent of decay and death. No thanks, I don't need that. Even thinkin' a this scenario is gonna stop me getting hard for a week. 

 

08.1983

I dunno, I was unlucky as far as teacher hotness went. That Van Halen song came out, 'Hot for Teacher' and at first I thought it was like some soret of Weird Al parody song, cause alla the teachers i hd, you'd ahve to have some sort of fetish to get afrter. At least three of them were missing limbs, but I grew up by a big meat packing plant so that wasn't so uncommon, but also, all my teachers scowled allt he time, prolly becaus ehey had to deal iwth my childish bulslhit, they might have smiled for other kids. It wasn't much better on the male sid eof the equazion, my one math teacher apparently had his ass shot off in the war. I don't know how he got his ass shot off in the war, or which war, but one look at this guy when he walked by and there really weren't other excplanationsd for his overall form. One time, I'm just rememberin' now, we did have a sub who was cute, like too cute, but she got real mad that none of the boys would go up to the chalkboard. Maybe she wasn't that smart because everybody was blushing and she shoudl have been able to figure it out.  

03.1982

 You ever seen that that one seen in laord of th rings where the trees fucking wreck the one bad guy's house? that was bad ass. I like that one. This issue came out i dunno, twenty years before any of that? Ya gotta wonder if anybody what made that movie had seen this and got the idea, at least in part from it. I know the movie was based on a book, of course i new that, so the idea was already there, but maybe some young nerd saw this and then when the movie was happening was like, yeah, tree guys! I don't think any of the trees in the mvoie were up to nuthin questionable, but there were a lot of 'em in that crowd scene, so maybe one of 'em had a raging hard-on goin' inta battle. who knows. maybe i'll go rent that and look real close. I think they were all dudes, but maybe there's a tree chick in there somewhere, shovin goblins inta her hooha. 

01.1985

So, if he could make another head to suck off his... other head, couldn't he make a buncha dicks, too? Like he could make all of his fingers dicks and then stroke off one of his dicks with the dick fingers, which would more ore less also stroke them off, though to a lesser degree. I don't think he's super tied to his human form, so he could be nothing but dick fingers working a dick, or go all like, whaddayta call it, fractal? recursive? every dick finger gould be getting storked ovff by smller dick fingersx donw to infinity. 

this does bring up another thing i always wondered aobut. You know that saying, horny as ten peckered owl? Does ahving mor e pricks anc tually make you more horney? I think it would be less, on aacounta the hrny being divised across the dicks. So each dick would only have like 1/10 of the horny power. 

It's too bad Knob shut down, cause i got a lot of questions i could send in. Hmmm... maybe I should look up the guy who did the strip. There's gotta be some small cahnce he's not in an institution...

 

09.1980

I duno if i'm feelin a lil sappy or what this week, but this one caught my eye. when i think about being single, i'm mnostly happy that i don't have tp pu tup with someobdy else's shit, i have aenugh of a problem dealing with my own ullshit, but evry now and again i think it would be ncie to have an ass around to grab, even if itwas onnacounta a misunderstanding. i'd prolly be the one loading the washer, tho, caue i can't cook for shit. 

tryin' ta come upw ith some thing a woman might misehar, causing her to grab my ween. i couldn't coem up with much. it's not like i say "grab my genus" or "why not slip a finger up my mutt while you know me". nothing works i theother direction, ya know?

02.1974

Oh, RubberGuy, this guys's prolly my favorite recurring character from the run of the magazine. I don't think he ever gets laid, but he sure don't stop tryin'! What a hoot! Though, I should be mad at him for inspiring my earliest attempts to get my lips around my own schlong, i sitll occaisonally get some pain from that slipped disc. It's important to know your limitatons, that's part of growing up, iguess. 

03.1975

This is one4 i wouldn't a got when I younger. Back then, it was off to the races, tryinta blow my load before somebody interrupted and then if I wanted to, I could go at it again i like five minutes. Of course, once I started actually getting some, i had to unlearn all that and practice not bustin. I really struggle dfor a while. I'd try to think of something to sort of calm the raging beast, but i'd go too far. I'd think of how my mom ate hotdogs, chewing with  her mouth open, but my penis was the hotdog, but that was boner assasination an, total chub death, just slaughterd erection, went limpt in two different girls before i finally got it right, thought about something not so off putting but just mildly distracting, my cousin i was only sorta into, same penis in hotdog bun scenario, but she was just nibbling the tip a little bit. it wasn't that hot aand was pretty wrong so it hit the sweet spot and let me go on with my busines with no threat of early good. I didn't even hear about edging until 2002, but as an old man now, I hardly have time or energy to beat off so whenever I do, I really gotta make it count, ya know? And if I go off too soon, there isn't another bus coming along in ten minutes.

Man, just thinking about my mom and how the woman would just fucking destroy hotdogs and also rarely close her mouth for any reason is maybe adding some clues to the Sheila's number incident...