04.1974

 Man, these mini-catalog spreads really take me back. I never had sea monkiesor none of that, my folks were alway sa little tiight on money and weren't about to give me some to mail away to some schmuck in the big city. They said most of thos ads wer all bullshit anyway, you coudn't see throught he girls dresses at school and the sea monkies didn't wear pants or carry briefcases. Now i wanna do some research some of these here. Did they really havbe catapillars like that? Keep in mind, this was way before the genetic enginneering you hear about today. Course they prolly had it back then buy you didn't hear about it. How else could you explain the BeeGees all being the same person. Oh, I guess afew of them were twins or something. Or were they? I dunno, is immoral to feed a ped yr jizz? Prolly, but most people woundn't count insects or larva or whatever the fuck as pets. 

06.1977

I neer had to worry too mch about my spew, i'd just bust n a sock and throw it under my bed and... hmmm. I never thought I had to worry. Thinkin back, thos socks prolly didn't walk off. I mean, I don't remember there being an issue or anyone saying anything. Maybe they were still there when my cousin moved into my old room after his parents kicked him out. My mom told me he was some sort of pervo, mabye she cleaned up the room for him and found my socks and thought he'd accumlated those in whatever period of time he'd been living there. Oh man. We din't have DNA testing back then, or the courts coulda cleared his name. Oh well, at least my reputation didn't get soiled, he ended up getting his dick stuck in a toaster in Sears so he was headin' down either way. Still, he took one for the team and I gotta respect 'em on some level for that. Gonna pour some foam out of my beer onto the ground in his honor, he bled to death after his dick got torn off in a factory accident I have to assume he was partially to blame for. 

 

01.1981

Whaddya think her name is? The tree? Did he call her sumthin'? or was it a no names type thing. least she was shaved, no moss gettin stuck in yr teeth. 

 

???

This wasn't with the rest of the magazines, and I didn't clip it, enither. This one had fallen behind a drawer of my dad's dresser. I was taking it out to the curb, relax, it wasn't an antique or nice or any of that shit, just a shitty fucking dresser, okay? I was halfway down to the curb, sweat pourin' outta me like a million lil niagra fallses, and it flipped out and fluttered to the groun. I thought it was an old moth, because I find a lot of old dead moth corpses in my dad's stuff (the man hated the smell of mothballs). Walking back to the house, almost breathin' right again, i saw that it weren't no moth. I picked it up and could tell right away it was from Knob. Me'n' pops were both clippers, i guess. I didn't think he was one for the bigger girls, tho, my mom was a beanpole, 100 pounds dripping wet, bra cup size of an acorn cap. So yeah, I didn't think ht was one for the bigger girls. My mom's name wassn't Sheila, either, so goes to show how much I knew...